I’m struggling because I cannot get my wife of 10 years to understand or be open minded to my dl life. I told her 9 years ago I liked to wear diapers and they make me feel so relaxed and at peace with the world. I’ve told her that she did not have to be around when I wore nor did she have to participate in it. She has told me time and time again that if I wear diapers anymore she’s gone and wants a divorce have any of y’all ran into this before. Part of me wants to leave Because I can’t give up the urge to wear and the other part doesn’t want to leave her because I love her. I’m so lost right now
It sounds like neither option here is one that works out well for you. My suggestion is seriously consider counseling, particularly as a couple, to address this issue. It might be necessary for you to do some individual work, also. But ultimately, this sounds like either option involves losing some critical to you and your life.
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I don’t know your situation but I suspect there is something bigger going on in your relationship.
If it truly is just diapers and they are the only problem then you have to make a choice. Though forcing something in you with the threat if divorce sounds controlling and abusive.
Perhaps marital counciling could help, especially if there are other issues.
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We tried counciling but not for that. It never came up. It’s just easier to give in to her wishes. She is very by the book type of person and was brought up very closed minded and thinks sex is a sin
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I would agree sounds like there is a lot more going on than just the diapers. You can suggest counseling again and see if you can get somewhere.
Otherwise it sounds like you are the one to make all the sacrifices and compromises, while no matter what, she gets her way. That will lead to you being even more and more unhappy and resentful and things will fall apart from that alone.
Counseling and compromises from both of you are what will need to happen for you both to be happy. The question you have got to ask yourself is a doozy, can you be reasonably happy with how things are now? Can you make the sacrifices she is wanting and be fulfilled? Is she capable of changing for you? Is your happiness more important than her love?
Sorry can’t give a more immediate answer. I hope you can find a good middle ground that works for you both.
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If she thinks that sex is a sin, how does that part of your “marriage” work. Does she expect you to abstain from that also?
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Having gone through divorce just shy of three decades ago I can honestly say “don’t”. I wear now because of IC but when I was married my desire was for plastic pants and it was intermittent in nature but I would’ve dropped it in a heartbeat to have remained with my wife and our kids. This is strictly based on my experience and I don’t know your relationship with your family but think long and hard before you place DL before your wife and children. I would usually say “stay padded” here but it seems inappropriate now.
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For me personally, that would have been warning sign to not get married in the first place. If that’s actually her religious belief, you’re not going to change it.
I think the best you can hope for is some couples counseling. Find someone religious but also kink-aware. If she won’t change her mind about sex or even kink stuff (and that’s a big change to make, especially if she’s been that way for 10 years), then you need to decide which thing matters more to you.
And again a personal opinion, but I couldn’t imagine having a spouse who treats sex like a sin. Having different sex drives is one thing, but flat out not doing it with a partner (let alone denying a partners fetish) would be grounds for leaving in a completely justified way.
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Tough situation. Based on her Sex view and the diaper issue it seems like counseling is the way to go with diapers and sex definitely to be on the discussion list. You mention counseling but not inclusive of these topics. So these issues may be arising based on other issues in your relationship. So you need to absolutely address these issues in counseling sessions with someone with a background in such areas ( sex, fetishes, religion).
Do you think her threat of leaving is valid or is it an idle threat from which she will back down?
i can tell you that I have dealt with acceptance issues from my wife and it results in a lot of resentment which harms the relationship.
Good luck.
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I feel so bad for you. Getting an ultimatum from someone in your life, is like getting a kick in the gut. I wish I could tell you that things will come around, and with counseling she will get it. Unfortunately, that is not very often the case. You know that, you’re on this forum, you’ve seen the stories. 
GAHH!!! Don’t just keep giving into someone. GAH!! This creates a warped sense of entitlement that can never be fulfilled. Jumping through hoops for someone who isn’t giving back, is a recipe for heartbreak.
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I know you love her but is it healthy at that point?
Well, since you can’t have diapers and sex is a sin, you should go out and buy an expensive sports car or what ever turns you on. Short of that, marriage counseling would be a very good idea.
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Is she conservative by any chance? You mentioned closed mindedness she grew up in.
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like a loving relationship. I’ve learned that there is a time and place for ultimatums in a relationship because even the smartest people can be very stupid sometimes and need a reality check, but your situation doesn’t sound like it’s the right time or place. Wearing diapers isn’t dangerous and if you’re content to wear only when she isn’t there then it’s not like you’re even exposing her to it. She’s overreacting and really has no valid reason to be saying “my way or the highway”. Being closed minded and “by the book” is no excuse.
Let me tell you, in the years I was dating my ex there were a few times when I would give him ultimatums, but they were always for his well-being in some way. He was a pretty smart guy and nice most of the time. He had a problem I’ve noticed a lot of people have though: he changed around his friends and was eager to impress them, often at the price of ignoring common sense and safety. I’d never had a problem with his friends and I certainly wasn’t going to tell him to stop being friends with them, but the ignoring common sense and safety part was unacceptable. Now, I love activities like roller coasters and carnival rides and such, but there’s a difference between those and just plain dangerous. What he would do was just plain dangerous. I only mentioned it here and there though, to hopefully give him a hint that that wasn’t okay. He never got it and instead he eventually got the both of us and one of his friends in a situation where we could have very easily gotten killed, or at least badly injured. We didn’t, we all ended up fine due the sheer luck, but he was being ridiculously reckless and I was terrified. So I refused to talk to him until he got his act together and started caring more about safety. And that’s exactly what happened: he started taking safety more seriously and we were all better because of it.
That’s the kind of situation that calls for an ultimatum. Wearing diapers isn’t. I’d recommend talking to her to try to figure out exactly where the problem with it lays and hopefully you can clear things up and be happier together. If that doesn’t work try couple’s counseling, but find a counselor that isn’t closed minded or they’re going to side with your wife instead of actually helping. If your wife refuses to do either of those things maybe it’s time to deliver an ultimatum of your own with how completely unreasonable she’s being. If you try both and neither work then I’d say get divorced. You’re never going to be happy with somebody so controlling.
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Actually closed mindedness would be those that always vote democratic each time at the poll, or those that always vote Republican each time & don’t really know why .
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Sounds like your wife is very insecure with herself .
if you have never worn around her , then what Harm is it Doing to her ?
Also , how can she find sex to be wrong if your married ? I take it she doesn’t plan on having kids ? Seems a bit odd . And a bit unhealthy for u to have to live like that . Yeah, I’d buy the sports car too if u stay living like that . But even that’s not going to fill the void of the things she’s got issues with .
Her insecurities need to be addressed for sure .
Maybe you should both look into marriage cancelling.
You may love her but she clearly cannot accept you for who you are. She sounds about as fun as playing leapfrog with a unicorn. if you give in and stop wearing the desire is going to burn inside you. It would be only a matter of (unhappy) time before you give in and wear again. Eventually she will find out and it will be over. My advice is to let her go ahead with the divorce. There are other women out there who aren’t close minded and that would love you for who you are.
Wow, I can really empathize with you. When I first told my wife almost 5 years ago (being married for 11 years at the time) she went through a series of ups and downs for a few days, but ultimately freaked out and gave me the same ultimatum. It’s either her or the diapers. I obviously chose her because I didn’t want to lose her and my children over something so stupid as diapers. I kept my promise and didn’t wear for a good 3 or 4 months despite the burning desire. We had many arguments about it that were never started by me that never ended well for me. Then she suddenly softened her stance one day and told me that after having some time to process, she realized it would be stupid of her to leave a great husband and father over this one “flaw” of mine and told me she would tolerate me wearing in my private alone time. She doesn’t want to hear or see anything about them and wants to live as if it doesn’t exist. Sure it’s not ideal, but it’s something. Lately, I have been a little more brave by wearing to bed without her knowing, but I have got caught a few times resulting in an eye roll at worst. I hope your wife can eventually come around at least a little bit, but total denial of something you love that hurts nobody is not fair to you. I wish you luck, buddy.
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