what to do if your 99 percent certain you've found another abdl

Adult Baby
1

As a long time lurker and rare poster I’d like to pose a question to the community

So by some strange coincidence it would appear one of the guys I’m sharing a house with and have known for a while is to some degree an abdl - a little background:

Occasionally recently I had on my way home from work noticed a clear trash bag with cuddlz nappies (on collection day where here bags are just left on the Street - not entirely certain how I noticed in the first place) and had for a while been wondering who they belonged to. Now it seems I have an answer yesterday on my way home from work I encountered my flat mate coming down the stairs with a clear trash bag in which my attuned mind spotted some adult nappies. Just to be sure I wasn’t mad I then took a walk later and wandered past the bag, which a cursory glance confirmed contained at least 2 tenas and an abena. I feel this coupled with the cuddlz I had seen before is beyond the realm of someone who merely has a medical problem.

So how do I broach the subject given that we almost never have time when it is just the 2 of us in the house. Is a text message out of the blue too abrupt ? What else might I consider?

Thanks in advance for any input

2

I know it’s hard for people like us, but you need to approach this tentatively with tact, and not over text; text him saying (word it how you would, but say basically this) “Hey dude, we gotta talk. Let grab a bite sometime?” Get him to meet with you somewhere with just the two of you, drive-thru would work pretty well, as you’d be in a car, ensuring isolation with just you two. That way, you can ask him your questions without fear of him not responding to texts. LOL. But let him know right off the bat that you aren’t going look down upon him for the possible outcome of the questions. Once you begin asking him the questions, they’ll actually start flowing out a bit easier. Don’t be too nervous, as how you act to start is how he will act throughout. So, keep it light but direct, supportive but inquisitive, and if need be that you tell him of your own involvement early, do it; that is the end goal, right?

I hope this has been helpful as far as advice goes. Buona Fortuna.

Cheers mate,

 Alaester Nikolai Modern.
3

Hai!!

Well, you’ve brought a very interesting topic to the table. I think the cuddlz diaper is an indication that there is something going on. I would agree vaanatfxii, a text message is to harsh, because you sometimes don’t get the tone right. i think you should do what he said, ask him to go with you for a bite or a coffee. Make him know that you are an open minded person and you like him as a person and won’t judge him. Then ask subtlety if he has a medical problem, and if that is not the case, ask him about the diapers. He might get nervous, a lot, but try to reassure him that everything is okay and you just want to be a good friend. If you need to, tell him about your own ABDL tendencies. The idea is for him to feel supported and you to establish connection.

Let us know how it goes!

4

Well it certainly isn’t just a medical situation, not with printed diapers involved. There is the slight chance that it once was and he is just experimenting with different diapers, and doesn’t know he is actually a bit of an Adult Baby, might not even know much about our community. I think, if anything, rather than asking him if he is an Adult Baby, just admit to him that you are. It would certainly be a better thing than having him be the center of attention. Just go up to him and say, “I want to talk to you about something. It might be kind of weird to hear, but I feel like I need some supporting friends and that I need to embrace this part of my life, so I wanted to admit to a few people that I am an Adult Baby.” Or something of that style. Then if he is an Adult baby, he will probably admit it, otherwise, he will probably sympathize and say, “Oh yeah? Well that is interesting, I am actually incontinent, and I have tried out some adult baby diapers out of curiosity.”

I really cant imagine any other scenarios. Be sure to report what happens.

5

I too, think it’s odd that he is so indiscreet with disposal…clear bags :dunno: he’s obviously not paranoid, so I think you could even just casually mention that you’ve noticed adult nappies in his trash. Let him know that you don’t think its weird or anything just that you’ve noticed. I wouldn’t go any further than that to begin with, but once the ice is broken you could introduce conversation like you’ve come across ABDL online. There’s always room to broaden the conversation, but once you’ve spilled your secret, it’s out there. And he may just be partially incontinent.

6

Be casual and not forceful about approaching him. Clear bags, he’s clearly not ashamed about it.. which I find quite respectable.

7

You take them down to the Altruist cult and collect one thousand dollars.

Then you go to the clerb and get turnt up, dawg.

8

If there’are 90% of clues, so ask… B ut: First insure yourself if it’s not “nightmare pissing…” Did you found out some another AB(DL) or BDSM stuff ? More than 90%…

9

This happens because everyone in the whole world is AB/DL. More seriously, what are the odds? I had another odd thought. What if he’s gay, and now you’re inviting him out to lunch? This just gets better and better. I think ozbub is right about the clear bags. He may already know about you and this is his way of approaching the subject.

10

pandora’s box here. Once you let out you’re secret there is no getting them back.

You could leave a note that only he will find with an email to reply to, saying you’re ab/dl(no name given). And that you noticed his diapers, and wondered if he was aswell. //No guarantee he will relply, I was asked indirectly if I was ab once, and refraimed from answering. Wich I regret in hind sight.

You could use an ab/dl sembol and see if he reacts.

If you have a shared wifi router, you could grab its logs maybe. Idk about the laws around that.

I also like what Tyger, and ozbub had to say.

If you do get a reaction tho be sure to update us XD, Good luck.

11

I’m not a fan of making an admission of any kind. It’s very dangerous if you’re wrong, and 99% isn’t 100%. Personally, I think you should express curiosity and leave it at that. If he denies or gets upset forget the diapers and just be nice to him. Try to be friends maybe, do stuff together, learn about what kind of person he is. Maybe you don’t like him that much anyway diapers or no diapers. ABDL doesn’t automatically mean two people will hit it off and enjoy being together. Alternately, maybe you do become friends and he opens up about the diapers later, or you do because you trust him as a friend. That seems like a better situation to me.

12

I agree, this is probably the best way. It may never yield answers, or it may take a long time. But it has the least risks.

13

One good indication is that he has different brands. One thing about us is that we like to try every brand we can just to do it out of curiosity. Another clue would be how many get thrown away. An incontinent person would have plenty of trashed diapers compared to some of us casual users. An argument would be that he’s a bedwetter, but I don’t think someone would have different brands for bedwetting. He’s has to at least be a DL. The cuddlz is making it plain as day.

I really don’t think it has to be some kind of intervention type of planning.

Ask him straight up… " How are those Cuddlz?" I think it would help break the ice pretty quickly. Then have your brand behind your back and ask him if it’s better than these and reveal. Then you can invite him to A disc OR he could be giving you advice on this very forum. :smirk:

If you only beat around the bush and ask about the diapers and he gets embarrassed and you leave it at that, you may not get a straight answer. It will leave things awkward either way. If both of you are being reclusive about it you both will beat around that bush and be left wondering. You may as well just dive in.

Not everyone knows the pride sticker, don’t try to clue him in, he may not get the little subtle hints.

Once this is done you won’t be as reclusive towards each other and won’t have to hide who you are.

14

I would be straight up and ask him about it. Maybe sit down in his room for some 1 on 1 and ask. If my friend was also abdl and knew about me before I knew about them, I would hope they would say SOMETHING to me. It would be so relieving to talk about abdl problems with someone in real life.

~Edit~

Also, if you did message/text him something tells me he WILL respond. I’ve had someone do that and I responded out of fear of them spilling the beans… but I responded.

15

It’s potentially a little better than that, although the risk is there. Although there’s nothing romantic implied, it’s sort of like making the forays into a workplace or roommate relationship. If something goes badly, you’re going to be around to receive that badness a lot of the time. Being friends with other ABDLs has been a hugely beneficial thing for me and really helped normalize it in my own mind, at least within the confines I maintain it. If I were in the OP’s position, I’d be torn for that reason. I think I’d be interested to see what could be gleaned in a non-stalkerish way just what his interest entailed but I’d probably be pretty cautious unless I had other living situations available if it went sideways.

16

Let him find your stash by accident. That would break the ice…but on the off chance that you’re wrong, have an excuse available.

I for one am dying to know what happens.

-Gus

17

He has an ABDL brand of diaper and you’ve seen him taking them out. At this point I’d say it’s 100%, not 99%. I’d bring it up. Something like

“I, uh, happened to notice something in your trash. Don’t worry man, it’s cool. I’m into that too.”

18

I’m with Tyger on this one

19

This reminds me of the hot dog commercial from a few years ago:[video=youtube;6mLZHdybfI4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mLZHdybfI4[/video]

20

Having read all of the comments, there are definitely some good pieces of advice here but I would be weary of some of the more overt approaches suggested. That’s not to say they would definitely fail but they are more risky in my opinion. I haven’t had time to read any of your other posts to see if you’ve given more detail of the situation or the person in question so it’s difficult to say exactly what I think would be the best approach. We are complex creatures and the world we live in can be very cruel and unpredictable, so I think a carefully and well-thought out approach taking absolutely every piece of information and advice into consideration would be your best course of action. If I may, I would like to suggest that you might consider some of the following:

What is your relationship with this person?

What do you know about their personality, health (both physical and mental), background etc?

Are you certain that the rubbish is not from somebody else? Do they ever have guests to stay?

Maybe they occasionally take someone else’s rubbish out and have absolutely no interest in it’s contents?

Your own experience of being ABDL from start to present moment

The emotions and feelings you went through when discovering yourself

At what point in your ABDL existence would have you been ready to be approached by another ABDL?

How would have you reacted at different points in your ABDL journey so far?

Try to put yourself in their shoes and think about how they might react to any sort of approach

Advice given in some of the comments to this post

Anything else even slightly relevant to the entire situation

Pro’s and Con’s of any outcome you can possibly imagine

Having said all of this, there are two key elements that I would strongly suggest that you consider to include when deciding what your next move will be. Firstly, I would be extremely cautious and calculated in considering how, when and where you approach the person. I don’t know how well you know them but if you’re not very well acquainted, then for starters I’d try go get to know them a bit better and see if you get on as friends before doing anything ABDL whatsoever. If you’re already good friends and know them well then I think you should spend at the very least, a few days weighing up your options here.

You haven’t said much about the person so it’s hard for me to speculate but I think it would be unwise to say that most likely both of you have something to lose here. Remember that collectively, the entire ABDL community as we know it, is so diverse that it could give the Sahara Bar from Star Wars a run for it’s money! Think about the absolute worst case scenario for your housemate… there is an unknown number of closet ABDL’s in existence who have no interest in ever sharing it with anybody else or even on social media; it’s just for them in their own private space. Some may even be so mentally fragile and unstable that any sort of approach could upset them. Obviously this is an extreme example, but I think with something as sensitive as this, being considerate is respectful, commendable and responsible. Ultimately though, only you will know the best way to handle things as you know the person best.

Being subtle, discreet and maybe even anonymous can go a long way to prevent or minimise any potential uncomfortableness for either party - if things take a turn for the worse, then it will be so much easier to walk away and pretend it never happened. Being careful is gonna take a bit more time but will pay off in the long run if you’ve made a bad judgement call on this one.

Perhaps most importantly though, whatever the approach and outcome - good or bad; you need to completely and totally own whatever you say or do regarding ABDL. You should be appear 110% comfortable, confident, self-assured, and in a happy, friendly, positive mood. As mentioned in one of the other comments, your mood and approach will most likely be mirrored by this person so, whether they react positively or negatively, this mindset can only improve the situation of any possible outcome. If it’s water off of a duck’s back for you then there is a good chance it will be the same for them too.

I’m not sure if you know but there is a channel on youtube called BackIn Diapers. It’s ran by a girl called Brittany who is both IC and ABDL. Her channel is primarily for IC support, product reviews, and advice but there are one or two videos which talk a little about ABDL where appropriate, but she always stresses that the channel is for IC support and not ABDL, which I respect massively. Anyway, there is one video where she talks about her experiences of discussing her IC and needing to wear 24/7 with friends, colleagues and family members, which you might wanna watch. She makes the point that the more confidence you have when taking about it with others makes them much more comfortable and positive. They see that you are fine with it so they usually respond in the same way and afterwards just carry on with their lives. And that is very true in my own experiences too. And thats why I think it is so important that you try to adopt this approach… I firmly believe that it can only make any situation easier.

Having said all of that - how do I know he is not already trying to drop hints to you as some others have suggested, which is very possible?

I’d say just be careful and as sure as possible… it’s better to be safe than sorry!

Anyway, I hope my words will be of some use to you.

Let us know how you get on and I wish you the very best of luck!