Edit: Just to be clear, this is not a post asking for a caregiver. I’m just thinking about what’s going on in my head, or something.
I’m still figuring out who I am in little space. And I don’t know if this is related or not, but I have an eating disorder, and that bleeds over into my terrible financial behaviors, and I live alone and do very little in terms of keeping things tidy or even clean. Depression, anxiety, and distraction are all problems for me. Sometimes I want someone to take charge of my life because I’m terrible at doing it myself.
This past week I’ve been ordering “tools” for little space. Pacifiers (LOVE), sippy cups, and PJs, and a couple stuffies and coloring books and a copy of “Corduroy.” But this could just lead to the same place everything else seems to lead: running out of money, higher debt bills, and a mountain of regret and depression. And I haven’t even started the diaper thing, but I must. I know I must.
I wonder if this part of myself is coming out because I am recognizing that even though I’ve been an adult for a long time now, I seem to be failing miserably at at it.
Thanks for sharing what you’re going through. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to go to a trusted therapist. He really, really helped me sort things out and my life has been improved by that tremendously! I respectfully encourage you to find a trusted therapist if you don’t already have one. Best wishes to you in the coming year!
While I have to admit, doing as you seem to be suggesting has help SOME of those things in my case - not all that. It also sounds WAY more of an issue than I have dealt with.
Yet I have in the past followed the advice given by messydiaper above.
So, I would suggest you may want to start there first, or at least at the same time.
I thought I wanted that till I was labeled mentally incompetent in the hospital and had to stay there for 20 days, I was a patient, and an adult, but I had the rights of a child, and was treated like one, I had to have my real Mom make decisions for me, and it was AWFUL I nearly was sent to live in a group home. If I acted up I was restrained and sedated, thankfully I got better and lost the mentally incompetent lablel, but sometimes I think I am a big idiot that can’t rally do the adult things or function properly, mostly my executive function is damaged, brain damage. I am still “high functioning” which doesn’t mean much really.
pause pray and reflect! I would say get a feelings wheel online so you can identify how your feeling then look up the word you choose and do a bit of research or read a book on it. Our subconscious mind can trick us most often which controls our feelings and actions! Make a self discipline change sheet, record 3 things you want to do each day and try to increase the length in time daily, do the same thing with a feelings list, and a self soothing list too so when your feeling down you can refer back to what makes you feel good!
Do not rush into a relationship … take your time and get to really know the other person before “giving over control” … I’ve read of so many Little Ones that rushed into a D/S ( CareGiver/Little ) relationship with someone else, and it ends really really badly.
Thanks for the thoughts everyone. No worries…I’m not anywhere near trying to find a relationship. And I’ve been in therapy for a long time, and probably will be forever. Interestingly, I told one of my therapists today that I’ve been working with my inner child because my eating disoder seems very much connected with him, and I was given homework: take a stuffed animal and take it everywhere all weekend.
Well, she didn’t say to take it when I go out, but I did bring it with me in the car when I went to pick up groceries the evening. But I’m supposed to carry it with me in the house and sleep with it and if I forget it or knock it over I am to apologize lovingly to it. Obviously the stuffed animal represents my inner child, and I’m already finding that being a parent to this stuffed animal is making me more gentle with myself as well. Anyway, it’s not technically regression…it’s more akin to those parenting classes in high school where they make the kids take a fake baby home with them for a weekend. But I won’t lie: I love this assignment!
I’m definitely identifying as a little, and probably abdl, which I’ll soon find out. At the same time, the therapeutic value is really revelatory!
Oh, and I’ll be seeking a higher level of care for the eating disorder next month. Once my insurance kicks in. I don’t know if that means an IOP program, or residential treatment, but my therapist and I agree I need to do something more intense.
