This is somewhat connected to the earlier topics of DID and dissociative states. I have found that it is not uncommon for my little me alter ego to do much of the talking in my sleep. Now to be fair I was using a voice recorder at night about 10-11 years ago when I found my little voice saying stuff like “its diaper time”, I didn’t explore much at that time and didn’t think much of it. I tried recording in my sleep during the last 8 years and most of it was me snoring, so I stopped till this month when I was feeling little again and needed to wear diapers. Once again I am hearing that same voice, and its becoming regular, like every night I say something. Last night I think I sad Mom, but it was a that little voice again, (we were not allowed to call Mom, Mommy when I was a child) If I was roleplaying I might say Mommy, this was not like roll playing, that little boy really wanted to be comforted. I have also recorded me saying stuff like “I wear diapers”. I wonder what the hell I said in my sleep then I was touring as a roadie and had to live with 12 people in a tour bus, bunk bed style, stacks of 3. I know one time someone asked me if I had kids… They later said I must have been talking to my dogs or something.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced this, and if its a deeper part of a dissociative type of coping or identity? That alter ego sounds genuine as all heck, I find this fascinating after decades of thinking that my diapers and little side was just a kink or fetish or coping mechanism, but the recent return to diapers, and the change in my energy, emotional status and sleep are kinda telling me that this is a much deeper part of my authentic self.
I am working on finding a balance between adult me and little me, I dont like to say baby, as my little me is a BIG boy dammit, or at least claims to be, but secretly wants to be babied like the other babies, he’s the kinda kid that will drink from a bottle but is way past the age of bottles. (this is definitely a part of my past, I wouldn’t take naps when I was little with out my bottle, even writing this I find myself starting to struggle to maintain adult me and language, when I say bottle, little me says BABA! loudly, but I dont want to descend into baby talk when I am communicating these thoughts as that quickly become repugnant nonsense.
I am still thinking this over and trying to formulate my thoughts on this, I am still kinda blown away by the cringe the other night, it was short, but it sounded so genuine, it was genuine child sobbing, and I can’t usually cry at all, at least not like that I can cry tears but not sob and have that broken breath like cry of the wha ah ah ah kinda sound. I am probably not describing it correctly or well.