Hey all,
I have mentioned it in other threads, thought I would cover it a bit more in detail.
I suffer PTSD, diagnosed moderate to severe complex PTSD due to being raped as a child, its ok, I have come forward, told my story to both police and the newspapers, it was published and he was found, I now only want to raise awareness.
My hubby and I have been together since 2014, and we are both very kinky guys, we really are.
I tried diapers back in 2018, and was shocked and overwhelmed at just what they gave me, and being overwhelmed, I overwhelmed my hubby, it did not go well, and I hid it and ignored it.
This year, it popped back up again, this time I did my research, and found many other PTSD sufferers using diapers as a grounding technique for various reasons.
I laid it all out to hubby, and he did his research, and now fully supportive.
What does a diaper give to me?
Well it is a rather complex subject, a good chunk of my abuse was in a bathroom with another child of my age and being forced to wee over each other on command, when we could not, we were canned, until we had cried enough, then we had to try again.
Since then, I have had an aversion to bathrooms, public restrooms, I cannot use a urinal, I have to use a cubical, if all busy, I will fall in to a panic, and in a short time, give up and leave, then end up busting and trying to find another bathroom.
It is constant anxiety and I never realised, until I tried diapers again and when I felt their security, it triggered so many memories.
Once I wear them, I instantly calm, and for some reason, many times they can stop the flashbacks that are playing in my head. For me, pretty much 24/7 I have flashbacks of my abuse playing in my head, but they are not memories, I am reliving the event as though it is the first time! And I do it when I am asleep as well, some nights my Fitbit heartbeat is very indicative of many nightmares.
Since wearing diapers, my flashbacks are dulled to almost nothing, to sometimes completely gone, I now sleep with a teddy, and that has very much improved my sleep.
Wearing diapers, I use them, both at home and out, but only for wee, thankfully I am a morning person regular as clock work and I get number 2 out of the way in the loo first thing. After that, diapers.
And using them, not having to go to the bathroom, not having to relive many painful times, just having to change regularly and keep clean, oh my, I am loving the new chilled me.
Hubby very much loves the new chilled me, he was so chuffed to see me be able to go and visit a customer on my own, in London, and find my way back, he was not far if needed, but could not believe the new me.
For me, I now have a new safety blanket, I just have to get used to being out and about meeting people, wearing, using, and changing when needed, I need to find the right one for me, during the day and overnight.
The new me is both chilled, and conflicted, I carry a shame for relying on diapers, and feel if anyone finds out, I will be judged and will have to defend it, but what it gives me, I want to say, screw you, try living in my head without them.
My story.
Hugs all
