Need a bit of advice

Adult Diapers
1

So, I need a little advice. I’m going to be visiting my mom for Christmas (No, not my Dad, I have no desire to spend the holiday in a graveyard). It’s the 21st-27th so 5-6 days. She lives a few thousand miles away from me, so I’ll be flying out and not have access to my apartment/anything I own besides what I take with me.

I’m debating on telling my mom that I’m wearing diapers now, so I wouldn’t have to stop for those 6 days. I don’t intend to lie to her and say I’m actually incon or anything, but I would keep it vague and be like “I have talked to a doctor about this”, which is technically the truth? I do, however, genuinely consider this a need, albiet an emotional one. And as it stands, it is also *technically *medical as I wear to alieviate anxiety and associated mental health issues (which, btw, has worked a treat).

I mean, right now I’m 80% leaning towards “Tell her”, but I’m still unsure. My friends who know have thus far said 4 for telling her, and 1(.5?) for not. There is, of course, the option of not wearing but that’s… less than preferable.

Current reasons for telling her:

Disposal would be easier; No sneaking about with it.
I wouldn’t have to have an awkward conversation about “Why are you wearing these?”/“Why didn’t you tell me?” when (not if) discovered
I could ship a pack or two directly to her place and not have to fly out with them.
As someone on the discord server pointed, It’s not like I’m asking her to do anything with it. I’ll be purchasing, I’ll be changing. I don’t intend to involve her other than telling her this is a thing that I’ll be handling while I’m there.
Current reasons against telling her:

Awkward conversation that, if I do this, I ain’t looking forward to
I don’t want to cause her unnecessary worry (and I’d break it to her the best way I can, but she’s my mom so of course she will to some extent or another)
She’s definitely going to try and “cure me”, which of course won’t work.
Shipping costs for northshore under $99 can be pricey :unamused:
My current plan if I do tell her:

Tell her a few days before I fly out there
Order a pack/few packs of northshore to ship to her house
Wear and then take the rest of 'em back with me on the plane.
I’ve heard horror stories of telling parents, but I think I know my mom well enough that she wouldn’t do anything terrible–we’re both adults (I’m 24 in 4 days!), I’m financially independent, and there’s a mutual respect for that.

Sorry for the huge long post but I’m open to all advice, and the poll is open.

2

I would either wait until she notices and then have a discussion, or plan to tell her when you arrive. Maybe even ship the boxes of nappies to her house and have the discussion with her when she asks what’s in the boxes and you may be surprised, she might share some information about you from when you were very young and in diapers (ex: length of time you wore them, any resistance to potty training) that may help you and her both understand your emotional need to still wear them, and in the process gain her acceptance of your personal needs. Good luck and have a safe trip. :blush:

3

Haha she’s already very open with how I was while-and-before potty training. I didn’t until I was 4 and apparently I would always resist changes and flip over on my tummy.

Thank you though! I’ll be as safe as I can :slight_smile:

2 Likes
4

Tell her. If she asks leave it to “i’m working with my doctor no need to worry” What airline? are you unable to fit it into your language?

5

I’m more inclined to not telling her unless you feel like it would be the best thing for your well being. Even among family it’s not necessary for everyone to know every detail of your life.

As for whether or not you should wear–if it helps you with your mental health then I think you should. As someone that suffers from anxiety and depression I know that whatever relief we can get is worth its weight in gold.

Whatever you choose to do please let it be for your own well being. <3

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6

Is ABDL something new to you or has this been going on for a while now? If you’re confident that this is a long term thing then you have many decades ahead of you where you visit your mom.

I know what it’s like to need to wear diapers, to get there and be stuck with out them could be stressful.

7

I’d advise against telling your Mom. While I understand that not being able to wear for 5 or 6 days is a bummer, it’s still a relatively short amount of time to go without diapers. Telling your Mom, on the other hand, is forever.

I also don’t think that one should go around telling their parents just so that they can be less discreet. I believe that being ABDL is a very personal thing, and one should always try their hardest to hide it from others. If you want to tell your Mom so that you don’t have to worry about changing, disposing, etc., I don’t think that’s a great reason.

If would really want to wear, I’d say do it secretly. Only tell your Mom if you get caught.

8

Yeah ABDL has been a thing for me for years and years; My diaper desires have existed since I got out of them at about 4. This is definitely a long-term thing and I don’t see it ever going away (despite how much I tried in my earlier years to make it do so). Also thank you for acknowledging my need, it’s very validating.

I’m flying Delta. I have a carry-on and personal item, but I haven’t any luggage at this point. Last time I flew out, it was with a briefcase and a backpack. I’d rather not pack 'em on the flight out just because it would be hard to get enough I think, so shipping them out makes the most sense. Of course I’d have a few changes in my backpack, but luggage checking is a little out of my price-range (or what I’d prefer for it at least). The doctor statement is good, I’ll keep that in my pocket.

Well-being is the main goal here. You make a good point, I don’t really want to involve her in the intracacies of the situation, just give her a general “heads up”. I think that not telling her and still wearing would be counter productive as far as anxiety goes, and tbh I’m not sure why I even added that as a suggestion for the poll :sweat_smile:

To be honest, while ABDL still “fits” me to some extent, I don’t feel like it’s a all-around good term for me. It implies a lot about what I’m doing and who I am that isn’t particularly accurate. While I agree, 5-6 days isn’t a long time, it’s not an insignificant amount of time, at least from my personal perspective. I describe this as a need for a reason, It’s generally not an exaggeration, though I understand how it may seem like one. Furthermore, I don’t mean to be “less discreet” in the wearing and disposing thereof–I’m not going to announce that I’m changing, I by no means want to flaunt or show off my diapers, and I’m not going to walk around in a diaper/t-shirt getup or anything like that. Hidden but know makes it easier.

I know it seems counter intuitive to ask for advice and then refute it haha. And based on the poll, I see what direction this is going on here (the opposite of the other 4 places I’ve asked). But I guess I’m just going through what my thought process is, what I think about the advice, my reasonings and how I’ve thought about this, etc.. Right now I’m leaning 95% tell, at least based on what everyone in every other space has suggested.

1 Like
9

Well, perhaps a “heads up” couldn’t hurt if that’s what makes you most anxious.

I wear pretty confidently around other people and family members ( that don’t know I wear diapers). Still, I get pretty self-conscious at times, so I know where you’re coming from.

1 Like
10

If it were just a day trip/drive to where I grew up, I think I wouldn’t tell her. It’d be easy enough to get away with it. What with flying out to a house I’ve been to once, it just doesn’t seem plausible.

11

trying to take multiple packs back on a plane sounds like a bad or at the very least expensive idea. I really have no idea how people hide multiple packs, or a multitude of used diapers from their family. Do you have any other family visiting at the same time, or is it just you and your mom? Once you let this genie out of the bottle so to speak. It doesn’t go back in.

12

please do not lie to your mom about being incontinent. I understand how the human mind works but every single post I’ve seen that says “I should tell my family, I think they’ll understand. If not, then I’ll just lie about having a condition” makes me always scratch my head. it’s not a great plan. Incontinence is a real thing, there’s a support forum here for it. and most of the time once an adult has it, it doesn’t get better.

13

I think I wouldn’t tell and then if I did get discovered, then I use what you were going to say which sounds good. Of course, because she’s your mother, she may ask about why you are seeing a doctor, etc.

14

I would suggest you tell her. You’re under no obligation to tell her why; but, if she asks then be truthful and forthright. You don’t have to give her every detail other than to say you have a medical need; and, while it isn’t severe, it is problematic enough for you that diapers give you confidence in handling that need. BTW, if you have diapers shipped to her house and she is by then aware you wear them, you could likely leave the unused diapers there saving you shipping some the next time you visit her.

15

Sorry for the mass reply posts by the way! Easier to just do 'em all instead of 10 tiny posts :sweat_smile:

I intend to get ~20, so I’d be taking 10 not in a package back with me. The conversation will be between my mom and I. Her husband’s family will be there most likely, but I’m entirely indifferent to them and couldn’t care less what they think of me. I also will be having this conversation with her well before I show up, on the phone, alone.

Yeah as stated in my first post, I have absolutely 0 intention to lie about being incontinent. That’s just a formula for trouble and more trouble.

Yeah you make a good point. The approach is very good as well. Being vague but honest seems to be the best approach here. As far as the diaper shipping thing goes, I visit her maybe once a year? It might be worth keeping it there but I doubt I’d be visiting frequently enough to make use of that. I’ll think about it though!