My journey to become the girl I have always known was there. And has become the reason I can not quit drugs and alcohol.. my girlfriend does not understand the way I end up obsessing over leaving my life and current situation, job, family, everything. And go alone to a rehab program. Where I dream of being honest about the fact I want to be a trans/sissy girl. And hope that unlike my loved ones. They will see my need for this is bigger than the drugs I have taken for the last 10years. I never felt settled my whole life… I’m a good looking lad.. managed to develop a good career, earning very good money that all of which I have wasted… so I need your help 
. Help me find the courage to leave my job and current life to go and finally have some time to think on my own away from past regrets and failures. And follow this deeply powerful and scary feeling that I always knew was there but never accepted it…
If a person cannot accept you for who you are then they are not your friend nor your loved one. Them being in a relationship with you, or related to you, doesn’t automatically make them loved ones either. If those closest to you insist on being toxic then you need to let them go.
Also, abusing drugs and alcohol can do more than ruin your life, it can also kill you. If you think you might benefit from rehab then yes you NEED to go to rehab.
I’ve been in your shoes (kind of) and it’s hard to take that first step and admit to yourself that you’re trans. Hang in there. Definitely try and quit doing drugs (easier said than done I know) but those will definitely kill you and/or ruin your body for good. But honestly, just experiment with calling yourself your desired gender. I started off by not knowing I was trans (kind of). I thought I was gender fluid because I was still kinda okay with being a woman. Now I realize that I am 100% a trans man, regardless of what anyone calls me or what I wear. But it took me a while to get there emotionally. It’s a long and hard journey sometimes, but you’re going to be okay I promise. I know how scary it is and how painful it can be trying to accept yourself, let alone getting others to accept you. My parents kinda know and still misgender me, but it doesn’t get to me as much as it used to. As long as the people that love me, and I mean truly love me, treat me how I want to be treated then nothing else matters. You need to come to terms with it yourself first, one of the easiest ways to do that is to make yourself comfortable with…well yourself. Get in touch with your feminine side and remember that there is NOTHING wrong with you for being trans. You need to almost undo all of the hate that society has taught you in order to really accept yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a guru and I’m not 100% happy with myself or my body. I just remember how it feels to be a scared trans kid who was scared of his own gender. But most importantly, take care of your body first. Take things one day at a time, one thing at a time. You need to get help for your addictions and find better more healthy ways to manage. We care about you and want to see you successful, happy, and healthy. Stay safe, love yourself, take care of your body, take care of your mind, and remember that no matter what you call yourself you’re still you and you’re important. Sorry for the sappy rant but this kinda hits home for me. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Best wishes.