So my partner wants to try new things, which I’m all for. Except she wants to try a threesome with one of her gay friends… I don’t know this friend very well, but she trusts her. While the idea is tempting (for obvious reasons), I’m pretty territorial. I am willing to compromise, but I’m not quite sure where I stand on the idea. One of my close friends says that he wouldn’t, but I trust my girlfriend even if I do get jealous and have doubts. We tested the waters with letting her friend watch us do tame things (butt grabbing, neck kissing, etc), which we both enjoyed. Has anyone else encountered this issue? If so, how did you handle it?
My hubby and I are both too crazy and possessive to ever do a threesome. I’d kill anyone that touched him and he knows I’d kill him if he ever cheated on me. If you’re the jealous type at ALL a threesome is a no-go, it’ll only start a fight. I personally am monagomous and think threesomes are gross awful forms of cheating that are somehow acceptable and “kinky”. My motto is unless you want your SO to hate you, don’t sleep with another person. Also if you’re going to do a threesome it should be with someone you BOTH trust! Not someone just they trust or vise versa. There could be underlying feelings there and they could be using a threesome as an excuse to cheat or start cheating… But that’s just my crazy possessive mindset.
I must say I agree with LilxFawn. My advice to Princess Bratty Butt would be: please consider this very carefully, and decide whether you really want to take this risk.
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Think of it this way. It’s still “your territory”, and you’re just inviting a friend over- while you’re there, to participate in your own activities. How can it be cheating if this friend is following your own rules? As mentiond though, if you’re the jealous or paranoid type then its possible a 3-way could open up a door you might later regret.
The bad thing about a three way party is that your girl friend or you might find the third person much better as a partner in bed and out.
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First of all it’s a threesome, and everything done will be done in front of both of you. When my wife was alive we had plenty of threesomes with both male and female partners. Never once did I get jealous or territorial. It is meant to be enjoyable to both of you. Try it and next time you do a threesome pick a partner of your choice. Me and my wife did it for many years. Variety is the spice of life. It kept our marriage hot and heavy and sex was never blah. The name of the game is trust. Life is too short to think back in the 40s. Go for it, try it and make your own choice. Asking friends is not going to help and just makes you sound a bit paranoid.
I think you’ll find out that everyone has a different opinion and for those who have had a threesome, they too will have different experiences. So here’s my two cents which may be overpriced at two cents.
When I was in college, I was pursued by a classmate and we had a relationship. I did love him and he me, but one night he brought another guy into our room and they proceeded to make love while I was a bystander. To be honest, I didn’t know what to think so I went to bed while they went at it. Then some other guy, a freshman walks into our room and (ah…how to put this…pleasured me? to its logical conclusion). This went on a couple more times until my roommate/boyfriend had to get a job as a counselor at a famous boy choir school and so he had to live there. I saw very little of him after that; mostly at school, etc.
I was pursued by an upper classman and things spiraled downhill. He would invite me to parties, get me drunk because now, I would do anything to escape reality, and after passing out, I’d wake up with him on top of me. Eventually I wound up at a mental facility. It left a big enough hole in me, so much so that I recently discussed this with my grief counselor, my psychologist. I should add that I did get back together with my first boyfriend and we had a reasonably good two years though it involved a lot of drugs and alcohol.
I say this just to point out that there is no free ride. Everything we do will create some sort of response psychologically. There are some people who can walk this tightrope and they’re always balanced. But we aren’t all like that. I commit to people who are special to me. If you are committed to you girlfriend and she to you, why is she bringing in a third party unless you aren’t satisfying something.
As a postscript, many years later I asked my roommate/boyfriend why he did that. He said he was trying to manipulate me. The outcome of all of that was that when we graduated, I walked away from everything: everything I had done, him, the alcohol, the drugs, and I moved several states away. Three years later I married the girl who would become my wife and the mother of my children, so I guess I was being looked out for, at least by some force that was well beyond my knowledge or control. As for my ex, I still love him and I will always love him. After my wife died he told me that he still loved me and if he wasn’t married (to a younger male), he would pursue me. The truth is, I would let him catch me. But we are where we are and are the product of all of our choices both good and bad. Choose wisely weedhopper (taken from an old TV series..haha).
Speaking from no experience what so ever, but I would talk to your girlfriend about your reservations. If your not entirely sure right now, then maybe now’s not the right time. Maybe spending more time with your girlfriend’s friend will make you more comfortable, but there’s no reason to force yourself into a situation that makes you uneasy without having a chance to discuss it.