Diapers for affection

Adult Diapers
1

I don’t know how to put this but I had a huge realization lately. My wife shows zero affection towards me. I’ll spare the many details of 3 boys, works only 4 hours but somehow always super tired, binge-watches shows and never includes me… It’s wearing on me because I throw a ton of lures to get her to interact with me from subtle hints to direct comments like me squeezing her nice tushie and telling her she is looking nice and I’d like to admire her by giving her a nice body massage with NO catch. I help out around the house by doing nice things for her and typical stuff good husbands should do.

The realization I had was that I wear a diaper every night because it makes me feel good. I feel like I’m replacing the need for my wife’s affection with diapers. It has helped me also because I had to stop asking for any type of sex, foreplay or even me admiring her body because it was starting to annoy her. She ended up getting too comfortable binge-watching shows on the laptop and falling asleep super early leaving me to indulge in my fetish because she was in bed so early. That wasn’t intended but I can’t complain about that! It’s to the point of feeling like I’m ignored or she doesn’t care for me anymore. (she does) Yes, I ask for her if she’s still in love and if she’s mad. I also sent a few detailed emails detailed saying all I want is affection and letting her know I still love her… She always takes it as me trying to get sex or get her to do things she’s not into or she just ignores it. I have NO need to suspect her of cheating or taking care of her own needs. She’s 110% vanilla.

I’m not looking for marriage advice, I had to get this off my chest to a group of people who understand how diapers can be therapeutic.

Has anybody else gone through this or has the same realization?

Thank you for listening.

2

Sounds like she might be depressed?

Sorry to hear your going through this, I have been through similar periods with my wife. We are now doing better than ever. We decided to be totally honest with each other even if it hert. We found that most of the problems stemd from my wife being depressed with work and both of us mis reading each other. Mainly me thinking she was sick of me… I know you didn’t want advice but just letting you know you are not the only one by a long shot and you may still get through this with some luck and hard work.

Good luck to you both

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3

It might be worth exploring whether her behaviour is because of the diapers.

If so, you might have to make a choice.

If my partner wanted me to stop wearing I would.

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There were times when between double income, two demanding children and health issues, my wife and I hardly managed to speak to each other, let alone anything more intimate. That was an extremely distressing period, and yes, diapers were my source of comfort on which I relied heavily.

As we recovered and the children became more reasonable, the intimacy rebounded and the dire need of diapers diminished. As long as we have enough time for each other, diapers now are rather a enjoyable treat than a necessity for me.

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5

You say you aren’t looking for marriage advice, but that’s exactly what you need, just not from anyone here. People here are biased to look at diaper use in a favorable light, whereas most people in the real world see them as a practical necessity for babies but otherwise see them as disgusting. I’m guessing your diaper use is a big part of the problem, but that’s only a guess. I don’t know you or your wife, and even if I did I don’t have the training to root out the real problems in something as complex as a marriage. Call me a hypocrite since my own, long term, marriage ended in divorce, but if you and your wife can’t talk about this openly and honestly, I recommend a finding a marriage counselor.

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El

This sounds like our situation exactly minus the health issues. It’s also the long part of winter here in MN so there is an excess of sitting around doing nothing. This will pass as it has before. It just sucks when it’s happening.

She doesn’t know I wear every night because the Tena Supers I wear are so quiet and she’s deep asleep when I climb into bed.

Thank you everyone for commenting.

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Hey @Howwedoin … how you doin? Any improvement in your situation. Just reading thru old threads and found your story a compelling read. I truly hope you guys are on a better path.

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THIS is why I frequent this site a lot! People are caring on ADISC.

The situation is the same. No sex as usual. I feel like we’re in a female-led relationship but unintended. I ask to sit out on the patio on a nice evening and I’m turned down because she’s tired and it was 8pm! Right now, she is having happy-hour with the neighbors as I had to work an hour late. She’ll do happy-hour (drinks on OUR patio) with the neighbor guy but never wants to with me. I know this sounds like cheating scenario but we’re really good friends with them.

I tried to improve our sex life that would make ANY woman proud of their husband. (me wearing a strapon so I can last forever and give her something better (no pegging)) She loved it but gets grumpy every time I try to have sex. I even had her read an article about scheduling sex to take the pressure off both partners. It’s a no.

Cold weather is almost here so I’m excited to indulge in diapers again.

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9

I feel badly for you. Would not even know where to start. All I can think that with all you have revealed you are in serious need of a professional, but even at that I am wondering if she would even participate. Although this sounds odd, I cant help but believe she is just trying to run out the clock. She knows that going it alone, divorce, is not that great an option, she doesn’t want the kids to come from a broken home… but then again she doesn’t really care that much about you or being married either.

I still am not clear about whether she knows that you wear diapers or not. If she does not know about that at all, then that is not it… right? Or maybe she does know and has not told you she does and now she is just doing her own thing.

Either way, I hope you can find some help.

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She’s more focused on the kids and the to-do lists. (they will never end) I’m pretty much last on her mind. For the past two weeks I have intentionally NOT been affectionate and nothing has changed. I have even stopped saying “love you” (as a test) when we go to bed and once in two weeks she initiated it. I honestly can’t guess the last time she has been affectionate. We still love each other and get along fine, it’s not a cold atmosphere although it feels like it to me with the lack of affection. She has said in the past that she doesn’t need to show affection or something to that effect. Well…something would be nice! You would think when I quit ahowing affection that she would notice and do something about it or even say something. I quit offering back rubs, foot rubs, body rubs…anything that a loving husband would do. I even promise there will ne no strings attached. I quit offering because every time I asked it felt like it was a burden on her…like she was the one who had to do the work!

She knows I wear and tolerates it and wants nothing to do with it. I don’t reveal that I’m wearing. I figure I don’t drink much and don’t do drugs so it’s not any harm. I figure she spends more on liquor than I do on diapers. (no, she’s not an alcoholic)

We have 3 boys from 9-14 and the middle one has ADD. Parenting with an ADD kid is like watching 2 kids in one so stress runs high all day! :confused:

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I understand you’re not looking for marriage advice; but, you’re going to get it. (Just a very small dose, I promise.) While the diapers may be therapeutic for you, they are not therapeutic for her. My point is, you cannot mask whatever the problem is by wearing diapers. It may make you feel better; but, it doesn’t solve the underlying problem. Do whatever it is you need to do to uncover the problem and then work on solving it.

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I realized a while ago that I also used diapers as a substitute for affection.

If I look at my life, every time I had the urge to wear was when I was feeling lonely if not depressed.

I believe it started in my childhood, when my brain associated diapers with affection. My parents are not really tactile. I don’t recall them giving me hugs as a child. I also recall once going at my cousin’s house, and I saw my aunt giving a hug to my cousin, who was about the same age as me. I found it weird at that time because it was not something we did at my parent’s…

When I was a kid I was a bed wetter until the age of 7. My parents would make me wear diapers at night and I hated it. I found them humiliating, so I would sometimes remove them before falling asleep. I would be yelled at in the morning as I wet the bed.

And the nights I would keep the diaper on, I wouldn’t be yelled at in the morning. I think this routine wired me into associating diapers with affection. I would get more signs of affection if I wore a diaper.

Fast-forwarding a little. I got the urge to wear diapers when I was in college (I had worn before but this was a big urge). I didn’t have a good college experience. I live in France, so I don’t know how it can compare to college in the US. I was lonely and my classmates spread rumors about me, like I would lock me up in my room and wear feminine underwear. Well I wasn’t, I was wearing diapers, not feminine underwear ::p:. But the fact that my colleagues (who I worked with everyday and did them no wrong) spread such mean rumors really hurt me. Diapers really helped me get through.

Fast forwarding again. 7 years ago I met the woman of my life, right after college. As I was with her, the urge to wear diminished. So after a few months I confessed to her that I used to wear diapers for my pleasure, but that since I was with her, the urge had stopped. She was very understanding.

This went on for years where I hadn’t worn any diapers. The urge to wear would resurface from time to time but it was manageable. Then my girlfriend found a job in a shop, and had to work on Saturdays and Sundays, and Christmas holidays :confused: I felt so lonely when she was at work, the urge to wear literally exploded in my body. All I could think about was to wear a diaper. I tried to fight it for a few weeks (I wasn’t accepting myself at this time), until I told her I needed to wear again. It was such a relief when she told me she was okay with it!!! Now I can wear when I want, around her, even wearing onesies <3

So yeah, I also use diapers to compensate my lack of affection. I am actually grateful that they have such a soothing effect on me <3

Back to your story, I feel for you! I won’t give you any advice since you don’t want any, but be sure we would all be happy to help you if you need to <3 ! I hope your relationship with your wife goes back to normal.

Hugs <3

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13

You’re in a tough spot. Literally trying to figure out your wife’s psychology. I get that you are now withholding affection. Whether it’s an experiment, retaliatory or just plain self preservation. This seem like a natural step in frustration. For you diapers seem like a refuge which may just save your marriage until you can solve the problem. As long as you know it’s not the source of the issue, many of us would seek the same comfort. As you pointed out, the phase of your lives with the kids being the ages they are is probably the low point in sexual activity. Your wife may see your needs as simply another obligation or task. She probably doesn’t see the jeopardy of total marital breakdown.

There is a book called “The five love languages” by Gary Chapman. Physical touch is one of the cornerstones of love. For many like me, it’s my number 1. Sounds like it for you too. This book could be the building block of repair for you guys. It’s available in audio book for long car trips. It was actually recommended to us by a councillor. Years later I heard about it on the Dream a Little podcast and read it. We did the audio book together. It was helpful.

As far as the diaper thing goes, vanilla affection and kink can coexist just fine. It seems like you have a handle on that anyway in case she has an objection to that.

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Your response is spot on. It’s very frustrating. There are a lot of emotions going on; lonely, forgotten, ignored, not loved, left out… I know in my heart that she loves me and I do too. I have said to her that “I’m not ever going to give up but feel like maybe I should” obviously a low blow in desperation for her to react. She says she feels bad but like I’ve said to her, if she feels bad then try to put some effort into our relationship. She doesn’t see a problem and says that I’m doing all this to get sex. She won’t read anything to work on a relationship. I have sent links, says she’ll read it then when I ask, she says she forgot and when I ask again she gets mad and I give up trying like the 3 or 4 different tries before. She also commented that she’d be perfectly fine if we were done with sex altogether. OUCH!

This situation isn’t brought on by diapers, it’s raising kids and focusing 100% on them. My advice I give now is when the kids are getting older, don’t forget about your husband and appreciate him with affection even if it’s just a little. If he’s a good man he’ll help out and do what he can to make and keep you happy no matter what.

I’m not ready to give up and not ready to settle in at 40 either!

15

This really sounds like how I was with my ex boyfriend. It started out with us being friends, both into diapers, and then him being really into me in the beginning. I remember things from before we were officially dating like helping him wash his car and him “accidentally” spraying me with the hose, then later admitting it was just to get me to take my shirt off. Or watching a movie together padded and him moving in to snuggle. Or any number of other things. About 3 months into it though, it all slowed down and eventually stopped. He stopped initiating physical contact, and attempts on my end were met with annoyance or even anger. I tried doing things like not initiating conversation and leaving it to him to pick and choose when, but that just lead to weeks without talking or seeing each other.

About 8 month in to the relationship, I went on a 3 week long work trip overseas. We video called once (he was too tired or had a headache for the other 20 days), and he’d often take days to respond to my texts. Even when he did it was usually one word answers.

That should have been my signal to end it, but instead I kept telling myself that everything was fine and I was just being too clingy. A few months later we went to a furry convention together. I’d just finished closing on my condo as a first time homebuyer and was super tired and stressed out, but I drove the entire 13 hour drive while he slept in the front seat. He wouldn’t even hold hands or do much talking to keep me awake. About halfway through the first day of the convention, he found some old friends and spent the remainder of the con vaping weed on the back steps of the convention center. He spent the entire next night thrashing around in his sleep, and when I finally put my hand lightly on his shoulder about 4am, he started punching at me for waking him up. I spent the next 3 hours sitting on the bathroom floor crying because I didn’t want to disturb his sleep anymore than I already had.

That should have been the signal to end things, but I still somehow went on vacation with him and his mom a month later (I guess because I already had the plane tickets). I spent the entirety of that 2 week vacation sleeping in the same bed as him; almost falling off the edge because he absolutely didn’t want to snuggle. On my last day of the vacation (I had to fly home early because of work), his mom was out sightseeing and I went out to get lunch for myself (I tried to get him to come, but he wouldn’t). Sick of being constantly rebuffed, I stayed out to eat at the restaurant instead of rushing back to the vacation rental with my food. When I got back an hour later, he was sitting on the couch with his laptop. The first thing he did was show off the massive wet spot on his shirt that was the result of an erotic RP he had jumped into with some of his friends. We’d discussed that kind of thing before and had both agreed it was fine, and so instead of saying “you spent the last two weeks ignoring me and now this?”, I was just like “hey that’s great, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself”.

That should have been the signal to get out of that relationship, but I somehow tortured myself in it for another 7 months, the entire time telling myself I was doing something wrong or that that’s just how relationships go. It wasn’t until a year after we broke up that I realized just how bad things had actually been.

All of that said, I know you don’t want advice, but your wife’s behavior sounds like there could be some severe depression or something else going on. You guys really should get a professional involved. If your wife insists nothing is wrong and won’t do it for her, then take both of you in for a marriage councilor or something and tell her it’s for you.

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So sorry to hear how that all unfolded for you @irnub. I hate to echo what you said previously, but it’s almost like you wrote my story yourself.

@Howwedoin - Drinks with the neigbor dude,…? This is how it started out with my relationship,.it went from him asking her if he could come over to the house i owned, instead of asking me, even though he knew we were both home, i would get 8 texts.. in 3 days, she would get 38 in 45minutes.. and he was “supposed” to be my friend… I’d be careful how you tread down this road. 2 years after she left he contacted me and told me what I had previously assumed…

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Damn. You’ve got next-level loyalty. I hope you’re rewarded in your next relationship.

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Right?! where is the recognition for us who survive with the fallout, possibly hiding in the shadows. I won’t toot my own horn, but come on…decided you had better chance with your strawberry dealer.!!? good luck hun!

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Jeez. You’re only human man. Your wife is blind or indifferent to the vulnerable state she’s putting you in. I have experience with a rough period where kids and work sucked the intimacy out of our life. We got the whole package sorted out so I think there’s hope for anybody. We both knew we had to fix things though. Her complaints were not the same as mine but in the end everyone’s needs must be addressed otherwise people quit or step out.

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I can relate to your situation as I have issues in my marriage that remind me of yours. We sleep in separate bedrooms and I can’t remember the last time there was intimacy between us. She does not like my diaper wearing and does not want me to wear them around her. I sleep in diapers most nights but need to change out of them before she gets up. I think my diapers are my saving grace as I look forward to her not being around so I can wear. Which bothers me quite a bit.

I can’t really offer you any advice as I haven’t figured out what I should do either.

What is different in my situation is that we have been married for over 40 years and I recognize that there is a lot of inertia around me/us trying to delve into our relationship. And also fear that a deeper dive might end with a separation.

Good luck in trying to sort things out. You certainly sound like you are the one hurting whereas I haven’t gotten a sense that she is hurting. You’ve described your needs but I wonder what her needs are?