ABDL Purge/Hate Cycle and Managing It

Adult Baby
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I haven’t seen much discussion about this topic recently, and it’s usually limited to diaper purges in the Diaper Lover section.

I’m curious to know how other members deal with and/or avoid the purge/hate cycle. How many purges have you experienced and how long do they last?

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I am two years into my ABDL journey and I have had three purges/hate cycles. My last purge lasted about 4-5 months and I truly thought I was 100% over ABDL and was done with it all! Then one morning I woke up and out of no where I needed to be in diapers, I’ve been diapered since April 2020.

When purging I try to donate diapers, but I’ve thrown away several tykables snappie (onsie) and rompers, ABDL PJs, Pacifiers and about $300 worth of diapers; even though I knew I should “hide it away”.

When in a purge/hate cycle I feel hate, regret, embarrassment, remorse, anger.

As time passes my ABDL side becomes more of my balanced lifestyle and I enjoy it more and more.

To avoid purge/hate cycles I know when to take a break before I feel overwhelmed or like I am losing interest. I also know how to live a balanced ABDL life where I can separate my ABDL from my daily responsibilities. One of the biggest triggers for a purge/hate cycle is involving my diaper with kinky me time, it goes against the reasons why I regress and wear diapers and it feels like I’ve done something terrible to my ABDL lifestyle. I keep that stuff separate.

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I have written about the Binge/Purge cycle a number of times because of how hard and damaging it is. Last year, after sharing with my wife and accepting myself more than ever I have told myself I would not do it again. I am working to level out the waves and create some balance in my wearing.

Fell free to reach out if you would like to discuss more, and here are some of the parts I’ve written about my own experiences.

Search Results for “binge” – Aberrantly Me

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There can be “too much of a good thing” as we neglect the other aspects of our life that need our attention. If we are parents or a spouse, those other aspects of our lives are ever present and vocal when we allow things to fall out of balance. You must have a strong inner voice that is able to let you know when you and your little side need to have a heart to heart.

I love that!

*When the desire to binge/purge comes take the time to think through the reason for the emotion you are experiencing. *

For me, when I am in the purge cycle wearing a diaper feels pointless and foreign. It feels as stupid as wearing a shoe on my head or winter gloves on my feet. It’s very strange how I shift to that mentality, sometimes in the matter of minutes and it comes out of nowhere.

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I wish people would stop this binge/purge/hate rollercoaster. It is dangerous. A fetish or kink, is not like a substance abuse problem. It can not be dealt with through a 12-step programme and daily chats with a sponsor. You were born with factory settings that tell you which type of sexual partner to be attracted to. You were also born with hardwired factory settings that tell you if you will be vanilla, or kinky.

How on earth can we beg those in our life to accept us, when we can’t even accept ourselves?!

Get off the rollercoaster.

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5

well put, we can’t help it, it’s like trying so hard as a human to be a dog.

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6

I’ve never gone through a binge/purge cycle, but I’m getting on in years and I think I’ve reached a stop sign. My real source of enjoyment in the ABDL experience is being cared for by a maternal, slightly dominant older woman, and I’m at the age where very few chronologically older women are available as caregivers.

I have had younger women babysit me - my current nanny is half my age - but these young ladies almost invariably come with a good deal of drama. Over the years, I’ve dealt with boyfriend issues, paid rent, car payments or mortgage payments, paid utility bills, etc., when my sitter went through a breakup or ran into an emergency situation. I’m frankly just tired of having to go the extra mile just for a few hours’ care every couple of weeks.

Maybe this qualifies as the ‘mother of all purges,’ since I have a crib, highchair, playpens, a diaper bag and lots of clothes to dispose of. I can still wear when I’m alone, of course, but I think I’m getting to the point in my life where the endless succession of babysitters ought to stop.

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The four large sample surveys/survey series indicate the greater majority of ABDLs have experienced the ‘binge and purge’ cycle at some time where they remorsefully renounce ABDL practices ostensibly forever, only to resume those practices at a later date. A substantial minority have never sought to renounce their ABDL practices.

Zamboni asked respondents “how many times in their life they had tried to stop their ABDL behaviours?” For the greater majority who not experienced prolonged distress for 6 or more months, the average was 5.6 times. Given that the average age of male respondents was 30.9 years and they had been practicing ABDL behaviours for an average of 17.0 years, that means the ‘average’ pattern was an unsuccessful attempt to stop every 3 years.

Zamboni reports average values. This obscures two different populations: a) a greater majority that have tried unsuccessfully at some time, and commonly on multiple occasions, to stop practicing ABDL behaviours; and b) a substantial minority that have never tried to stop. Fuss, Grey and Bent corroborate this bi-modal pattern.

Fuss asked respondents if they agreed with the statement, “I have tried to reduce or control the frequency of AB/DL fantasies, urges and behavior but I have not been very successful”, using a 5 point Likert scale (1 = totally to 5 = totally not). 18% of respondents cited ‘totally’, and only 26.4% cited ‘totally not’ indicating that this had never applied to them.

Grey1 asked, “were you ever driven by guilt to repeatedly throw away all your ABDL things … and swear that you’d ‘quit’, only to give in and get more things? 56% indicated that they had at one time been subject to this pattern. Grey also asked, “did you ever seek a ‘cure’ or resist the urges?” 52% indicated that they had sought a cure, with various outcomes, none of them successful in stopping ABDL practices.

Bent1 asked respondents, “how common has binge and purge been for you?” 70.6% had experienced the binge and purge cycle at least once, and 36% had experienced it four or more times.

For those who are subject to the binge and purge cycle the pattern can be persistent and long lasting. Zamboni found, for the minority who had experienced distress for 6 or more months, the average number of times they had tried (unsuccessfully) to stop was 13.6. The average age of this group was higher at 33.3 years, which if they had started practicising ABDL behaviours at the average age of 13.4 years, meant on average an attempt to stop about every 18 months.

Zamboni2 reported that the binge and purge cycle was the second most prevalent reason for a break in ABDL practices. This is bases on the reasons cited by 494 respondents. The five most prevalent reasons were: living arrangement interfered with ABDL behavior 27.3%; the binge and purge cycle 21.5%; various, notably, past sporadic explorations, now more prevalent 14.2%; a romantic relationship interfered with ABDL practices 10.9%; and lack of access to ABDL material for practices 10.1%.

Bent1 also cast light on the length of those breaks in ABDL practices. It asked, “how long have you gone totally without diapers or adult baby behavior?” Of those who renounced diapers and ABDL practices 26.2% had gone less than one month, a further 40.1% for up to a year, 12.9% for one to two years, and 20.8% for three or more years.

We can have a high level of confidence in the assessment that a greater majority have at one time been subject to the ‘binge and purge’ cycle. It is supported by both large sample professional and peer support surveys.

Regards. Dylan.

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What exactly do you mean by get off the roller coaster? genuine question.

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I dont think I’ll ever be able to stop to be honest, I wear every Sunday, sometimes I feel self hate but sometimes I feel like for that best part of the day nothing mattered at all, I normally have a little break for a couple months about the time I need to pee much quicker than normal, im a man in a van all day so when I need to go I really need it. But then il stop wearing for a couple of few months until my peeing goes back to normal and then il usually wear every weekend for the next 6 months until this time comes again. Although I only wear once a week the time in between can be almost unbearable waiting for the day to be sunday. Its a real love hate thing and its pretty annoying to have a brain wired up like this but. When im positive I try and make the most out of it, when im negative its normally only a matter of time before the good vibrations appear again.

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ABDLs have two sides of themselves - an adult side, and a diaper loving side. They are like the bolt and the nut of our personalities. For the vast majority being ABDL is an involuntary condition. We have essential parts of our personalities invested in each of the two sides of ourselves. When we purge it represents an attempt to rid ourselves of our diaper-loving side. Throwing away the nut doesn’t make the bolt more functional. Far from it.

The diaper loving side involves unique patterns of sexual arousal linked to diapers. Our basic patterns of sexual arousal (sexual fantasies) are involuntary. Yes, we elaborate and refine them, but the kernel is involuntary. That’s true for everybody, not just ABDLs. No matter how idiosyncratic or bizarre they may seem everybody’s sexual fantasies represent their psyche’s solution to the hang-ups/beliefs that would prevent us having sexual pleasure. The most common obstacle is the belief/fear that we are unloveable. Our sexual fantasies are redemptive, not pathological. That’s true for everybody, not just ABDLs. So renouncing the physical use of diapers doesn’t rewire your pattern of sexual arousal. (The above is based on psychotherapist Michael J. Bader’s wonderful book Arousal: the secret logic of sexual fantasies - I highly recommend to anyone struggling to understand and accept their sexual fantasies).

It’s a similar situation with deriving emotional comfort from diapers. That is a deep seated need and it doesn’t go away when you throw the diapers away.

The sustainable longer term solution is to discover and accept the side of yourself which loves diapers. That doesn’t mean living forever with the conflict in your psyche, or the compulsive behaviours that come from it. That conflict and the compulsive behaviour abate when you befriend the side of yourself you are trying to push away. It contains an essential part of your personality, that you need to live a psychologically healthy life.

Regards. Dylan.

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Binge/Purge/Hate is an emotional rollercoaster. Get off. The fetish can’t go away. Find some balance and stop putting yourself through emotional hell. Just get off that ride.

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I call this balance. I will not binge and purge again. I work to believe and smooth out the waves or “roller coaster” through self acceptance and communication with my spouse. I can be there best version of myself, even while wearing a diaper.

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Everyone should strive for balance.

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Since I’ve been living alone I’ve found it the be much easier to deal with it mentally and am better for it.

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Although I don’t live alone, I don’t have a GF or BF. Very early I recognized an urge to binge but for the most part I’m new to this binge/purge stuff. I’m still walking on the path that leads me to “self acceptance”. Topics and discussions like this are a great help in navigating this mine field. I well outside the average cycle according to the info stated above. I hope when I get there it will be easier to rationalize what impulses manifest. I was asked a question recently “just who’s approval are you seeking anyway?”

This quote stuck with me from a recent interview of Matthew McConaughey on Joe Rogan Show.

“I walked as far as I could and sat down to talk with myself. I said “self, your the only one I can’t get rid of so we might as well get along.””

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That’s some straight up words of wisdom by MM.

I have to wonder if the b/p cycle is a thing mostly associated to ones youth. With age comes understanding and with youth we are generally more obsessed with ego. Often in my early days of the kink, after some satisfying diaper time, my view of my self couldn’t be squared up with wearing diapers. I was social, active and ambitious. How could this type of behaviour be a part of me I’d question. Also, we pre internet Abdls, were robbed of early acceptance in that we took years to figure out we weren’t alone. That was probably 3 purge cycles alone right there. It’s conceivable that today’s 35 and under cohort will never experience the rollercoaster some did that are older. I consider myself lucky in that my last purge was in my mid 20s.

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Buying less diapers more regularly rather than buying a large bulk order may be more expensive with all the shipping, but it could save you money if you still find yourself purging once in a while. Also having less of them around has made me limit how often I wear which has had a positive effect to flatten out the waves in my case.

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I simply accepted the fact that I couldn’t get rid of this, that it would always come back no matter how hard I tried, and that purging simply wasted money. Even though I’ve accepted this side of me, I’d still give anything to be normal. But I also have come to accept that this is not to be. So I keep my stuff, so when the interest returns I don’t have to waste money and buy replacements.

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I’ve never purged because I’ve never binged. If you have a problem with it, just regulate your usage. Easy for me and much more enjoyable.

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I was about to suggest something similar. No need to binge or purge. Moderation. Keep them in the back of the closet if you don’t want them at all for a while. I guess it’s easy to say don’t obsess when you might not be able to manage that. At that point, as with any addiction, you need to seek help if it’s ruining your life.

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